you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
