Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
