I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
