forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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