I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
