I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
