as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
