around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
