My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
