we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
