After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
