he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I am available for nakedness
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
