she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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