If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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