i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
