I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
