That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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