ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
