Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
