i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
