Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
