Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
