You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
