I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
