are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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