when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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