I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
