I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
