I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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