Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
there is puke in my bra ... again
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
