tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
