my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
