So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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