i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
