And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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