I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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