i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
