I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
