y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
