Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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