Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
