just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize