i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
