So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
