he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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