i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
