Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
