he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
