Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
PANTIES FOUND
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
