I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
